Trump's Golden Ice: A Satirical Dive into Absurdity and Profit
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Chapter 1: The Rise of Trump's Golden Ice
The unconventional obsession with consuming the urine of a 70-year-old man has taken a curious turn among anti-vaxxers. Following its launch in August 2021, Donald Trump's urine has turned into an unexpected trend, particularly among his supporters, who began stockpiling this peculiar product in hopes of striking it rich.
Trump's Golden Water experiences a surge in sales after the FDA disclosed that its main ingredient is the CEO's urine, leading to a boom in demand.
Section 1.1: The Absurdity of Celebrity Urine
While it may seem ludicrous to value a celebrity’s urine, this behavior mirrors the extravagant spending seen in the NFT market. Who spends a million dollars on a digital image that can be easily replicated? If you have such disposable income, consider investing in Ellie Salvaje’s NFT articles; at least your funds might help her settle her debts.
Yet, the astonishing demand for Trump's urine led to a shortage, leaving the former president in disbelief. He remarked, “It’s unbelievable! We initially sold for $50, but now it’s $3000! Trump Golden Ice is as valuable as Amazon shares! Some savvy supporters are even reselling it for a profit!”
Section 1.2: The Inevitable Decline
However, just a week later, the price of Trump Golden Ice plummeted to 50 cents. This sudden drop caught the attention of several news outlets, which dispatched undercover journalists to investigate the source of Trump’s urine. Their findings revealed that the claims made by Trump were exaggerated, as he had resorted to hiring homeless individuals to fill the bottles. The revelation led to a rapid decline in consumer trust.
“I can’t believe it! I trusted Trump! I spent my life savings on this product because he said it would make me wealthy!” lamented supporter Scottana Baioto. Despite his initial disillusionment, Baioto soon returned to purchase even more cases of Trump Golden Ice.
Chapter 2: The Commercial Spin
In a recent Fox News advertisement, Trump addressed the controversies surrounding his product. “I didn’t mislead my supporters. My aim was to keep you safe! We needed more production to ensure your well-being,” he asserted.
He continued, “Many are dying from COVID, and the vaccines are not fully effective. It’s time to take natural immunity seriously. Buy both Detox and Profit to safeguard your health and wealth!”
The commercial fueled Baioto’s faith in Trump, prompting him to acquire massive quantities of both variants. “I trust this great leader! Their statements align with my beliefs,” he declared.
As a result, the price of Trump Golden Ice Profit skyrocketed from 50 cents to $2000, while Detox surged to $7000. Even NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell endorsed Detox, though he clarified that his support was strategic rather than ideological.
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, including those based on real individuals and events, are purely fictional and intended for satirical purposes.
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Footnote #1: Despite the misconceptions prevalent among certain groups, vaccines are a crucial tool in combating COVID-19 and its variants.
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